Like a Virgin
by Invader Kim
Summary: Chapter 8 is up. Its more interesting now. REVIEW! please. I NEED REVIEWS!!! I LIVE OFF REVIEWS!!!! I'M PSYCHO!!!!!! >:^)
1. Zim Discovers Music

Okay, this is my first fic. So, be nice and review.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Zim's like a Virgin.  
  
1.1.1.1 "What kind of earthanoid torture device is this?" muttered Zim to Gir as he walked by Gir as he watched TV.  
  
1.1.1.2  
  
1.1.1.3 "MTV master." Replied Gir, while not moving his eyes from the TV.  
  
1.1.1.4  
  
1.1.1.5 "I can be your hero baby" sang the TV "I can kiss away the pain."  
  
1.1.1.6  
  
1.1.1.7 "The horror." Zim whispered  
  
1.1.1.8  
  
1.1.1.9 "I can beeeeee your-our heeeee-eeeerrrroooo." The song was finally over.  
  
1.1.1.10  
  
1.1.1.11 "I like horror." Said Gir as the next song popped on.  
  
1.1.1.12  
  
"Oh baby, baby how was I supposed to know.that something wasn't right here."  
  
"Hmmm. These humans seem to be worshiping that screeching one" mentioned Zim thoughtfully while he was watching the music video. "GIR!"  
  
"Master?" asked Gir  
  
"I'll be in the lab, researching this MTV. Try not to destroy anything.  
  
"Yes master, I obey." Replied Gir while he quickly turned to red and then back to blue. Then he returned to watching Brittany Spears (the horror).  
  
*Zim's Lab*  
  
"So. it's called music," said Zim while he was reading aloud. "And the humans with this .gift called singing are worshiped above all others. When this. singing.is equipped with something called. dancing, they are worshiped with extreme devotion." Zim read amazed.  
  
"COMPUTER! Which of these hyu-mans are loved the most?" The screen flashed letters and numbers until it read MADONNA.  
  
"Madonna?" Zim inquired. "COMPUTER! Show me this.Madonna."  
  
"Like a virgin.touched for the very first time.Hey mister DJ put a record on I wanna dance with my baby. Just don't tell me to stop!" Is heard threw out the whole neighborhood.  
  
*Dib's house*  
  
"Gaz, did you hear that?" asked Dib "Huh? Huh? Huh?!"  
  
"Get away from me," replied Gaz in a monotone voice "I'm on my last life and if I lose, you'll die a slow and painful death." Dib slowly backed away from Gaz, and then ran outside.  
  
"Mwhahahahahahahahahahaha! Pathetic hyu-mans! I'll destroy them yet!" echoed throughout the entire city.  
  
"That sounds like Zim! I'll have to stop him!" and he ran back inside to prepare. SLAM! The door slammed so loud that it made Gaz lose her last life.  
  
"Dib made me lose my last life. He will pay." 


	2. Zim discovers padded bras (the horror)

Chapter 2 of Like a Virgin  
  
*Notice I don't know how to add chapters to a fic will someone please tell meeeee*  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW I NEED HELP PEOPLE  
  
Dib ran out of his house with two mini water guns and five or six plastic sporks. He left his water balloon machine thingy at home, because it was too loud (it made a sound like an angry refrigerator) and took too long to make water balloons.  
  
  
  
-------------------------------------Meanwhile at Zim's house--------------- -----------------------  
  
Zim didn't notice how loudly he was yelling because the music was so loud (you know, like when your are listening to something with headphones and talk to someone and they tell you to stop yelling) Zim thought he was talking normally but since the Madonna songs were so loud the entire city could hear him. Yet, he was safe because these more stupid examples of the human race, did not realize that they were the cries of alien. In fact, most people thought they were the screams of some woman having a baby. Suddenly, Zim stopped screaming his threats of DOOM. Then he took a graceful little twirl and sang.  
  
"Take a bow, the something something la la laaa la la laaa, I don't know the lyrics." Gir decided to come down to the lab to say hi to his master when he heard Zim singing in a femine voice.  
  
"Master, I thought you said their cant be any girls in the house." Since Zim twirled around all Gir could see was his back.  
  
"Gir, go back upstairs I'm busy." Zim said in a breathy voice with a British accent. Gir only stared blankly. "GIR! I am working on my world domination plan. I need silence." Zim hissed.  
  
"Kay!" And he pulled out a rubber pig and moose and made them play leapfrog.  
  
"Squeak, oink, squeak." Zim heard them as he teleported Gir back upstairs. Then he went to go work on a new disguise. A blonde wig, blue contacts, and thick brown eyebrows.  
  
"Ha! Said Zim in a more Zim-like voice. "These stupid hyu-mans won't be able to tell the difference between me and Madonna!" Screamed Zim just above the music. "Oh wait." In addition, he put on some cowboy boots and a padded bra. He put on the rest of his disguise, which consisted of a skirt, a shirt buttoned half way, a cowboy hat, his wig, eyebrows, and contacts.  
  
-------------------Meanwhile with Dib--------------------------------------- ------------------------  
  
"Now how do I get past those lawn gnomes?" Dib asked himself. "I know!" he took his water guns and shot one gnome into the wall so hard its circuits were showing. The other gnomes slide over to it to repair it and Dib took aim. He shot some water into the electricity. The gnomes exploded into tinsy little pieces. "That was easy..too easy"  
  
--------------------------------------------Zim's lab----------------------- -----------------------------  
  
"Intruder Alert.Intruder Alert" said a large mechanical voice.  
  
"I'd better go see who that that is before they get too far. I don't have time to change, so I'll just say I'm Zim's sister ..Kym yes that'll work."  
  
------------------------------------Dib's point of view--------------------- --------------------------  
  
"Yes, I'm at the door. I just have to open it"  
  
------------------------------------Zim's point of view--------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Zim reaches for the doorknob.  
  
-----------------------------------Dib's point of view---------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Dib reaches for the doorknob. (Who opens the door anyway?) The door opens. In the doorway is a blond little Irken.  
  
"What do you want hyu-man!?" Zim asked more than a little annoyed. Dib was too shocked to say anything. "Well!?"  
  
"Uhhh." Dib stated  
  
"HOW DID YOU DESTROY MY LAWN GNOMES?!" Zim angrily asked while he surveyed the large pile of scrap metal with three red hats on the top.  
  
"Errr."said Dib  
  
"If you are through wasting my time, DIB, I'm going to go repair and improve my base's defense system." Zim slammed the door on Dib's face.  
  
"What the hel." Dib asked still facing the door.  
  
End of chapter 2  
  
REVIEW PLEASE I am a new writer I need help, lots of help. SHUT UP DANI! I like reviews. 


	3. alot of people doing stuff....

Chapter 3 of Like a Virgin  
  
Review please. If you review I will review one of your IZ related fics ok. I already wrote chapter 4 and 5 but wont post them for 2 weeks because I'll be somewhere without a computer. Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
--------------------------------Dib's POV----------------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Dib still didn't comprehend what happened that day he went to Zim's house. Why was Zim dressing up like a girl? Was that actually Zim or was it another alien thing? Dib liked the first question more. He didn't like the idea of two of Zim's alien race thingies on Earth. Whatever race Zim is. Dib asked himself these questions inside his abnormally large head. He would usually ask things things out loud but he had enough of people thinking he was crazy for one day. He was, of course, trying to make his classmates understand Zim was an alien. And they as usual dismissed him as insane. Dib didn't like Zim inside a woman outfit. It only made him suspeiousHe would have to make another plane to get inside Zim's base without being caught or destroying his defenses, no matter how much fun that might be.  
  
--------------------------------Zim's POV----------------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Hmmm. Zim remembered Dib's reaction when he saw him in his new disguise. It seemed to Zim he had found another human weakness, but he wasn't sure whether it was surprise or something. Was it that he looked like a girl? No, Dib has not let females stop him from in his search for aliens. He called that blue human girl an alien. No, it couldn't be a weakness for females. Then Zima finally realized his plain was attually working. Dib had been his test weasel. Of course, he already knew that it would work but who doesn't like a little extra reassurance. Dib was too in awe of Madonna to do anything but stand there and drool.  
  
"If one Madonna paralyzed that hyu-man Dib, then I shall make an ARMY of Madonnas and then NO ONE CAN STOP ME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" so Zim went to work on his Madonn-bots while still chuckling to himself.  
  
----------------------------------------Gaz's POV--------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Gaz pondered on how she could most effectively have revenge on Dib. Hmmm. She could spread a rumor that he was gay...no there were about five out already. Dib seemed to hate that green kid. Preguduce seemed to be one of his many flaws. That one and the whole annoying people thing. Or that one were he throws cups on the floor in public. She decided should follow him around until she discovered a way to destroy him emotionally, or at least hurt him pretty bad.  
  
----------------------------------------------Dib's POD--------------------- ---------------------------  
  
"He's plotting something I just know it Gaz. He's probably working with that blue alien what's her name...Kim right?" Dib said as he circled around Gaz  
  
"Dib, shut up." Gaz replied, "that blue kid happens to be an assiote of mine. Her dad happens to be the president of Gameslave inc. I'm going to pretend to be her friend until her father gets fired."  
  
"That's kind of shallow." Gaz gave Dib the evil eye glare thingy and Dib shut up.  
  
----------------------------Zim's POV--------------------------------------- -----------------------  
  
Zim's working in his lab on his Madonn-bots. Robot parts and about 20 Madonn-bots surround him.  
  
"If I can make 20 Madonn-bots in one hour than in a week I will have 3,920. On the other hand, I could just activate the Madonn-bots I have already made and double the production. In one Earth month, I should have enough to rule the ENTIRE PLANET! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!  
  
The End of Chapter 3  
  
REVIEW! 


	4. a little chaos

Okay, I'd better hurry. I don't have much time. What's doom in Spanish?  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
-----------------Dib´s POV-------------------------------------------------- -------------  
  
Dib was in Ms.Bitters class listening to her chanting  
  
"Damned, damned, damned. You're all damned, damned, damned."  
  
Dib was surprised she could say that at skool.  
  
"Ms.Bitters.you cant say that in class." Protested The Letter M. Ms.Bitters turned into a shadow and went behind him. Then she solidified and graved his shoulder. The Letter M shuddered an involuntary shudder. He shook harder and harder until he eventually exploded. Guts, hair, and skin covered everyone.  
  
"ACK! THE GERMS!" Zim screamed. He fell out of his desk and started twitching ( very much like someone I know who runs in the corner and starts twitching). Dib smiled to himself, and then giggled, and then started laughing hysterically.  
  
" I've found another one of your alien weaknesses ZIM! Soon you'll all believe me. No one will call me call me crazy again, and I will get the respect I deserve!" Dib yelled. Every one was silent. Even Zim stopped twitching and looked at him.  
  
"You're crazy!" Zita yelled. Dib went back to being quiet and started writing furiously in his alien notebook.  
  
---------------------------Zim´s POV---------------------------------------- --------------  
  
Zim decided that now was as good a time as any to ask about Madonna.  
  
"YOU!" said Zim pointing at Brian "What do you know about.Madonna?" Brian rolled his eyes.  
  
" I thought everyone knew she has a concert this Friday." Brian replied.  
  
" Uh.YES I knew of this CONCERT! I was merely seeing if you did." Zim said thinking quickly. " So, it seems you are not a moron, music slave."  
  
" Ohh.kaay.." Brian wasn't really sure talking to Zim would improve his image, so he started drawing a picture of the all powerful MADONNA.  
  
" I hate Madonna." Gretchen said to herself. All the kids except Dib and Zim turned shadow form and went behind her. She shuddered so violently she exploded.  
  
" Damned, damned. It seems I taught you well, but you are all still damned, damned, damned." Said Ms.Bitters. Zim screamed as he was covered with Gretchen's germy meat.  
  
" GERMS! ARG!" Zim screamed. Dib started writing faster.  
  
THE END OF CHAPTER 4  
  
5 will be up as soon as I can get a hold of a computer. DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW! 


	5. some thinking

Okay, I'd like to thank the reviewers. I would also like to state I have been out of town for the last 2 weeks and that's why my fic has not been updated.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing  
  
Chapter 5 of Like a Virgin  
  
--------------------------------------Zim's P.O.V.-------------------------- ----------------------  
  
Yesterday was a very disturbing day of skool. When Zim got home, he almost ran out of cleansing chalk while trying to wipe off the human flesh that landed on him. Luckily for him, Gir had not made this chalk. He had also learned many vaulable things, thought Zim as he watched the disgusting humans eat their ketup and rice. Zim shuddered, but managed to controll it before he exploded.  
  
-----------------------------------Dib's POV-------------------------------- -----------------------  
  
How was Dib going to explain Zim dressing like a girl to the whole class? He had no proof, but that never stopped him before. Why would dressing up like a girl make Zim seem any more like an alien? He knew some people did it, not personally but he has seen Oprah once or twice. Those people were out there. Explaining Zim did that might make him seem more human. He decided to keep that information to himself.  
  
" What does Zim want with Madonna?" Dib asked himself. He thought he should try to get backstage passes to the Madonna concert, even though he personally didn't think that much of her songs. He made sure not to voice that opionion.  
  
------------------------------------------Gaz's POV------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Gaz heard Dib mention Madonna. She didn't know that he liked her songs. Gaz herself prefered hard rock music, but Madonna had too much power to be opposed. Maby she found a way for revenge. She could make Dib some………hmmm. She put her Gameslave 2 and got to work.  
  
-----------------------------------------Dib's POV-------------------------- -------------------------  
  
What the hell? Thought Dib. Gaz put away her Gameslave and Dib thought this was very weird. Well, thought Dib, she might be drawing demented piggies again. After some contemplation, Dib decided he didn't want to know what Gaz was doing. He got up and threw away his half eaten tray of ketup and rice.  
  
--------------------------------------------Zim's POV----------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Zim decided to go to this………Madonna concert. He already knew he had to get rid of the origional and he already had a plan.  
  
So, did you like it? Should I stop while I'm ahead? REVIEW! 


	6. The chapter known as Chapter 6

Okay…um…just like to say that this is an ok fic and you should read it. REVIEW  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing  
  
Chapter 6  
  
-------------------------------Dib's POV------------------------------------ --------------  
  
It was Thursday. Dib was still scrambiling to get those Madonna tickets.  
  
"Hello, youre caller 12," said the radio anouncer dude "anser this question and you get 2 backstage passes to the Madonna concert."  
  
"Okay." Dib replied slightly quivering  
  
"What kind of underwear does Madonna's great grandpa wear………boxers or briefs?"  
  
"Umm………briefs?"  
  
"MORON! DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT HE WEARS BOTH!?" screamed the outraged annoucer. "NO TICKETS FOR YOU………but you are caller 12 so you receive a complementary Cropcircles magazine sighned by………Madonna."  
  
"What issue is it?"  
  
"The new one."  
  
"Sweet." Dib hung up the phone and left the room. The annoucer man heard the phone click.  
  
"WAIT! You havent given me your address. Oh well, more Madonna for me." Said the announcer guy.  
  
"HEY! You can hug that magazine during your break!" said some one who was likely to be the announcer human's boss.  
  
"But, Sir, it was signed by Madonna."  
  
"Madonna signed it? GIVE ME IT! OOF, ERK, OW, DAMN IT, GIVE ME IT!" choursed the radio  
  
  
  
----------------------------------in the other room------------------------- ----------------  
  
"Dib, are you still after those Madonna tickets?" asked Gaz  
  
"IF I DON'T GET THOSE TICKETS ALEINS ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" screamed Dib. Gaz looked at him as if he was a moron.  
  
"Well………my friend gave me some backstage passes. You can have one if you kiss Zim on Monday at skool in the cafetiria." Gaz knew he would do anything for those tickets. (Don't worry its not slash because neither of them likes it………though I have nothing agaisnt slash, it wont be in THIS fic)  
  
"Ewwwwww." Dib replied  
  
"Well, I might just go burn those tickets………you know how I like fire."  
  
"Fine………I'll do………it." Dib replies utterly grossed out. "But if I die from some alien disease I might catch, you have to stop Zim."  
  
"Deal." Gaz replied. Her plan was working perfectly.  
  
  
  
  
  
End of chapter 6. REVIEW! I comand you to REVIEW! 


	7. Chapter of Evil >:)

LISTEN! I need you to review…if you don't then I might do something evil to Madonna. WHAT?! I'm not a fithy paperclip! Alright you asked for it. I'm gonna add subliminal messages.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nada, zip, zero, nothing…plus I don't have any money…which means I own even less than I thought. The ball of pain name came from my sister.  
  
  
  
Chapter 7 of Like a Virgin. FRIDAY!  
  
-----------------------------------------Zim's POV-------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Zim was adjusting his disguise in the mirror. He pulled up his skirt and pushed up his bra.  
  
He was wearing his voice modifirer that he devolped yesterday. Zim was glad that the concert was afterskool because he couldn't miss anymore days. Hmmm. Zim chuckeled a little as he remembered what happened at skool.  
  
--------------------------------------3 hours earlier----------------------- ----------------------------  
  
Most of the stinkbeat children wore Madonna shirts to skool. The ones that didn't were tortured. Luckily, for Zim he heard a conversation the previous day about Friday's dress code. So, he was prepared. Dib wasn't so lucky. He was beaten to a pulp during recess, but no one saw him at lunch. After lunch, Zim noticed the happy face on Dib's T-shirt had blond hair and the name Madonna written under it. All this showed Zim how much power Madonna had.  
  
"MWAHAAHAHAAHAAHAHAAAHAHAHAA!!!!" but Zim didn't add any ranting like he ussaually did. Only the laugh.  
  
---------------------------------------3 hours later------------------------ ------------------------------  
  
Zim tucked a remote control, backstage passes, (just in case) 100 dollars, and a blue remote control into his bra. (His backpack was full) He activated his lawn cactus, (the new defense system…it shoots lazers, needles, traping devices, electronic nets, and cupcakes out of its needles.) and left for the concert that started at 8:00.  
  
------------------------------------Dib's POV------------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
Dib was getting ready for the Madonna concert. He brought night vision googles, cold vision goggles (made to spot reptiles), and two more superpowerfull waterguns. Not to mention the pack of pass-out pills and balls of pain (guarenteed to home in on a target and render it unconsious). Then he left while making sure to bring the ticket Gaz gave him.  
  
---------------------------------------Guard's POV-------------------------- -----------------------  
  
'There was a lot of weirdos with backstage passes' thought the guard 'none of are gonna hurt my one true love…Madonna'  
  
---------------------------------------Madonna's POV------------------------ -----------------------  
  
Madonna saw something move out of the corner of her eye. Hmm. Mabey it was another love sick guard. She shrugged and went on her dressing room to put on more makeup.  
  
"What th-?" and then she was unconcious. A short dark figure dragged her to the broom closet and locked it. Then scampered (yes, I said scampered…it's a funny word. Scampered hehe) to Madonna's dressing room.  
  
---------------------------Guard's POV-------------------------------------- --------------------  
  
A short creepy kid with a big head was walking up to him.  
  
"Hey, kid," said the guard, "you can't get in without a pass."  
  
"Here." Said the little black haired kid with the cool hairstyle. The guard examend the pass.  
  
"What, do you think I'm stupid or something!? This pass is fake!" and with that said the guard tazered the child.  
  
"AHHHAHHAAHAHAAAHHH!" the electricity wore off. "I hoped I wouldn't have to do this, but you've left me no choice." Said the kid menacinly. " LET ME IN THERE'S AN ALEIN IN THERE THAT WANT TO DESTROY THE WORLD AND HURT MADONNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Kid, go away before I have to shock you again."  
  
"Okay, I was saving this for the alein, but now I really have no choice." He took out a little black metal ball. He dropped it and it hovered infront of him. Suddenly sharp red spines poked out of the ball. Then, without warning the ball flew at the guard faster than a bullet and hit him in the neck. "Well, I still have 100 more." Then the strang boy steeped over the guard and walked inside.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Did you like it? No? WELL THEN TOO BAD! Ahem um sorry about that. I just want more people to…REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! 


	8. HairSpray of DOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

I'm so happy. PEOPLE LIKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I'd like to say that I love you all and (audience-looks at Kim like she's insane) YOUR HORRIBLE!!! NOW READ MY DOOMED DISCLAIMER!!!!  
  
Doomed Disclaimer- I own nothing. Happy? Doom.  
  
Chapter 8 HAIRSPRAY OF DOOM!!!!!!!  
  
-----------------------------------Zim's POV-------------------------------- -  
  
"Madonna?" said one of Madonna's many hairdressers.  
  
"Hmm?" said Zim with his voice in disguise.  
  
"Um…your hair's not attached to your head," said the confused hairdresser "are you using Head 'n' Shoulders cause I told you to tell me before you use a new shampoo." Zim took a bottle can thingy that looked suspiously like hairspray. He sprayed it and the hairdresser immediately passed out. ( if you are wondering why Zim didn't pass out it's because humans and Irkens are not the same…duh) He dragged the poor doomed hairstyler type person thingy to the broom closet he put Madonna in. So far, he had stuffed in 3 hairdressers, 2 makeup artists, and 5 fitter wardrobe people in that closet. It was getting pretty full. But he managed to fit this "Hyu-man" on top.  
  
"Gesh, those hyu-mans are nosy." Zim remarked. Luckily the gas also destroyed memory cells.  
  
-------------------------Dib's POV------------------------------------------ -  
  
Dib only had about 20 more balls of pain. 'Gosh,' he thought 'the people here are nosy'.  
  
--------------------------------Zim's POV-----------------------------------  
  
Zim was ready. He knew exactly what he was going to do. He stepped out on stage. The bright lights blinded him a little bit though. He couldn't see anyone in the audience. Darn contact lenses add glare.  
  
"Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me. I think they're O.K. If they don't give me proper credit, I just walk away." Zim started. "They can beg and they can plead. But they can't see the light, that's right 'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash Is always Mister Right, 'cause we are… Living in a material world. And I am a material girl. You know that we are living in a material world. And I am a material girl……" The audience cheered loudly.  
  
-------------------------------Dib's POV------------------------------------ -  
  
Dib heard Zim start singing. 'NOOOOO!' he thought 'It's too late!'. Dib ran towards the stage from behind it.  
  
----------------------------------No one's POV------------------------------ --  
  
Zim was merrily drawing the audience under his spell. He also realized Zim liked performing infont of people. He discovered singing is pretty fun. (was that OOC? I just thought Zim would like thousands of people cheering him on) Suddenly, Dib pounced on Zim knocking him down.  
  
"ARG!!! GET OFF ME FOUL STINKBEAST!!!!!" Screamed Zim who was under Dib. ( for all you Zib fans…….it's NOT like that.)  
  
" You won't get away now, ZIM!!!" The audience was slowly recovering from the Madonna-Likeness of ZIM.  
  
" NO! DIB! YOU STUPID, stinKIN' HYU-MAN" Zim started "DON'T you REALize that these FANS are INSAIN?!?!?!?!!!!!!! We shouldn't deny them of what they want or they might do something…….unpleasent." Dib looked into the audience and realized they looked like a mob of crazed fanfic authors. He stood up.  
  
" As soon as we're out of here…the truce is off."  
  
" Deal." Said Zim slightly relieved.  
  
  
  
  
  
I hate cliffhangers, but I have to leave you with one. I'M SOOOO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please forgive me, but I have to think of more of the story plot type thing. REVIEW!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't stress it enough. REVIEW!!!!!!!! 


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